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I'm Scared

A/N: I donít really know how to introduce this one, so I guess Iíll just tell you that its slash, but if you read it write it doesnít have to be, and that itís a song fic off of Duffyís ĎIím scaredí, lyrics are in bold, and enjoy

You had to go I know that, I know that, but that doesnít mean I accept it. Before you I was always alone, always surrounded by people sure, but still always alone. After that night when you finally succumbed to my invitation, the night we finally danced, and you finally learned my secret, it was always the both of us. We told Garcia together, we told the rest of the team together, we went to my mothers for Christmas together. There was nothing but me and you, nowÖ now I donít know what to do.

The blank pages of my diary,
That I haven't touched since you left me,
The closed blinds in my home
See no light of day.
Dust gathers on my stereo
Cos I can't bare to hear the radio
The piano sits in a shaded space
With a picture of your face.

I stopped writing; you bought me the diary with my name engraved. I stopped sleeping; I canít even nap for more than 20 minutes without you. I stopped listening to any of my music; youíve commented on every song. You know whatís most telling though? I canít play. You remember how well I played god, I should considering how much money my mother spent for me to learn, that oneís because you always wanted to sit right next to me and watch me play, you have this thing about my hands.

I'm scared to face another day
Cos the fear in me just won't go away.
In an instant, you were gone and I'm scared.

And after all that, after all weíve been through, even though its only been a year, I donít know what to do. Before when you were here it didnít matter that everyone knew I was in love with another man, because you were there, but now Iím scared. What do they think Spence? I was always the protector, the strong one, is that all ruined now?

Coffee stains on your favorite book
Remind me of you so I can't take a look.
The magazines you left on the floor,
You won't need them anymore.

I especially canít deal with all the books. After you moved in and your massive collection of a library came with you, my house has smelled like coffee and paper, it smells like you. And when I see ĎHouse of Leavesí sitting on our coffee table, it makes me want to crack my faÁade and cry a little.

A towel left hangin on the wall,
No sign of wet foosteps in the hall
There's no smell of your sweet cologne.
I'm lying here alone.

You have to take care of her, I know, she is your mother and I would do the same for my mother, but I want to be there for you. Not here reminiscing over towels that still smell like you, or crying over the fact that my pillow doesnít. I want to be with you, I donít care that your mothers crazy, if you still think that I care about anything after everything weíve gone through then maybe youíre not the genius we all think you are. I love you, love beyond all recognizable emotions Iíve ever felt before, and you matter more than my job. I know that I donít get leave because your mother is not only lucid but has cancer, but I think Hotch will give it to me just because Iím having a mental break down donít you?

I'm scared to face another day
Cos the fear in me just won't go away.
In an instant, you were gone and now I'm scared.

I'm scared to face another day
Cos the fear in me just won't go away.
In an instant, you were gone, now I'm scared.
In an instant you were gone and I'm scared.

Without you I just donít know what to do, you scare me more than anything. How can I be this dependant on anyone, you know my past, you know how hard it is for me to trust, to love, and yet I slipped into loving you easier than I thought possible. Without you I canít breath and Iím suffocating on this house of memories, youíve been gone three months, and I donít think I can take it anymore, without you, Iím scared.